Am I in My Healing Era or Just Ignoring My Problems?

A deep dive into self-care vs. self-sabotage from a 26-year-old barely holding it together.

Let me paint a picture for you.

It’s a Sunday night. I’m in bed with an ice cold sheet mask on, my legs freshly shaved (even exfoliated, what’s gotten into me?), and I’ve got a honey and lemon tea in one hand and a book I will not finish in the other. I’ve been offline all day. My phone is on Do Not Disturb. I just did some yoga I found on YouTube and I whispered “I release what no longer serves me” into the void while almost crying in pigeon pose.

Sounds like healing, right?

And yet—cut to 1am and I’m wide awake, spiralling over a text I didn’t get back, a job I hate, and the fact that I haven’t called my dentist in 9 months. Suddenly, I’m 14 tabs deep into “What does it mean if I feel nothing and everything at the same time” and online shopping for things I cannot afford. By 1:45am I’m crying over a random stranger's dog death on TikTok and stalking my high school nemesis.

So I ask you (and me):

Am I actually healing, or am I just dressing up my avoidance in crystals and ASMR videos?

Welcome to the Era of Confused Coping

Being 26 is weird. It’s old enough that you’re expected to have your sh*t somewhat together, but young enough that no one taught you how to regulate your nervous system or pay taxes or stop projecting your childhood wounds onto situationships.

Some days I feel like I’m so emotionally evolved—I set boundaries, I journal, I do somatic stretching like I know what that means. Other days I avoid all my problems by rearranging my bedroom, meal prepping, and “self-soothing” with an overpriced hot chocolate and zero accountability.

And somewhere in there, we’ve started confusing self-care with self-sabotage. Like… am I resting or am I dissociating? Am I protecting my peace or just ghosting everyone who’s seen me cry? Am I “romanticising my life” or spending $16 on a smoothie instead of paying my phone bill?

I’m not sure anymore.

Healing Feels Like Chaos… Because It Is

Let’s get one thing straight: real healing isn’t always pretty. Sometimes it looks like staying in on a Friday night and crying on your kitchen floor because you finally felt something you’ve been numbing for years. It’s not always aesthetic. There’s no candle that smells good enough to fix deep-rooted abandonment issues. I’ve tried.

Healing is messy. It’s inconsistent. It looks like making progress one week and regressing the next. It’s realising that your “type” is just unresolved trauma in a snapback. It’s confronting your shadow side and still choosing compassion.

It’s work.

So when I find myself spiralling between “I’m becoming the best version of myself” and “I might be mentally unwell,” I try to remember: both can be true.

How Do You Know the Difference?

Here’s what I’ve learned (so far):

• Self-care is intentional. It’s not about avoidance, it’s about nurturing. A bath is healing when it follows a hard conversation, not when it replaces one.

  
  

• Healing is uncomfortable. If everything feels chill all the time, you might not be healing—you might be numbing.

  
  

• Avoidance has a vibe. It’s not restful, it’s anxious. You don’t feel better after, just distracted.

• Healing feels like growth. Even if it hurts. Avoidance feels like delay.

  
  

• Your gut knows. You don’t need a therapist to tell you if you’re doing the work or just wearing the aesthetic.

  
  

Final Thoughts from the Edge of a Breakdown

If you’re reading this and thinking “This girl is unwell but also she gets me,”—same. You’re not alone. So many of us are out here trying to balance healing, hustling, heartbreak, and finding joy in small things like a fresh set of sheets or a playlist that hits.

So yes, maybe I am still crying to sad-girl playlists and procrastinating everything by going on mental health walks that just make me tired and sweaty. But I’m also showing up for myself in small, meaningful ways. And that counts.

Whether you’re thriving, surviving, or somewhere in the healing/avoiding grey zone—just remember: you're doing better than you think.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go meditate or spiral. TBD.